


Snark, Shawarma, and Sexytimes (or Thank God for Tablecloths, Seriously)

by leftennant



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Tasertricks - Fandom, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: F/M, First Date, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Smut, Tasertricks Prompt Challenge, dinner date, public sexytimes, tasertricks shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-18
Updated: 2015-08-05
Packaged: 2018-03-31 04:55:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3965164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leftennant/pseuds/leftennant
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes answering the door in your underwear can lead to a whole lot of awesome.  Or at least it does when the person on the other side is the God of Mischief.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AnnieMar](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnieMar/gifts).



> For the [Tasertricks Prompt Challenge](http://fuckyeahlokidarcy.tumblr.com/post/118491031530/hear-ye-hear-ye-tasertricksters) on Tumblr, hosted by fuckyeahlokidarcy. 
> 
> Smut will be happening in the next chapter. For reals, yo. It's gonna be so nsfw, that Azazel himself would be all blushy, and averting his eyes. Just. You. Wait. ;D
> 
> *********************************************************************************************

Sun streamed in the wall of windows by her bed, and Darcy groaned, pulling the blankets up until only the top of her head was visible. Then she remembered it was Saturday. Thor was taking Jane up to Asgard for some sort of festival thing, and she had the entire apartment to herself for the whole weekend. She pulled the blankets back down and cautiously opened her eyes a crack, clumsily scooping her phone off the nightstand so she could check the time.

It wasn’t as early as she thought. In fact, it was practically lunch time. At the thought of lunch, Darcy’s stomach rumbled. She scrubbed her hand over her face wearily. When she took the job at S.H.I.E.L.D. she thought it would be fun, working with superheroes, trading political science in for legally sanctioned hacking. On paper it looked great. In reality it was a lot of late nights, not enough decent coffee, and a dwindling social life that consisted of Netflix and weekly shawarma meetings courtesy of everyone’s favorite iron-clad billionaire. 

Not that she minded those. Truthfully they were the highlight of her otherwise boring week. Especially since Thor’s semi-reformed brother had started attending. Darcy squeezed some toothpaste onto her toothbrush, and stuck it in her mouth. As she brushed, she considered S.H.I.E.L.D.’s newest addition. 

Despite showing up each week along with his brother, Loki wasn’t exactly friendly. His usual social mode was set just short of antagonistic. But there was something Darcy couldn’t put her finger on. He was almost like an abused animal that expected nothing but more abuse from the people around him. That had a way of tugging at her heartstrings.

He was also wickedly funny when he wanted to be. It took a lot of work to make that happen, though. Fortunately, Darcy was nothing if not persistent. Loki had initially avoided any contact with her, but lately she noticed that he was gravitating to her side of the table, and if there was an empty seat next to her, he usually took it.

This meant she was often treated to a nearly inaudible commentary from him on everyone else in the room. He was also supposed to have had his magical abilities severely curbed, but Darcy was sure he still had access to some, because there was no way Thor was _that_ prone to knocking over water glasses. And she was positive Loki had been changing her plates from white to a soft, pale green the last couple times they'd met. 

It was weird, but somehow Darcy felt like she was cultivating a sort of friendship with the dethroned God of Mischief. Not that any of it had been easy. She sighed as she rinsed her mouth and set her toothbrush back in the holder. He could switch from engaged to distant at a moment’s notice without a hint of explanation as what sparked the change. If being cryptic ever became an Olympic sport, Loki would take the gold. 

Darcy turned the taps on in her shower, and stepped inside. She began to wash her hair, still ruminating on Loki. Fifteen minutes later she was standing in front of her closet, trying to decide what to wear. No one was home. She had no plans to go anywhere. Frankly, if she wanted to run around in her underwear all day, she totally could.

That was actually sort of appealing. Whatever. She was doing it. Darcy grabbed a pair of novelty undies with a big A on the butt in sparkly, patriotic script, and tugged them on. Then she pulled her favorite, threadbare t-shirt out of another drawer and yanked it over her head. There. Dressed. Three seconds later she’d fingercombed her wet hair into a semblance of order, and headed off to the kitchen. 

It didn’t take her long to pulled together some lunch. As she was taking her meal into the other room to eat, Darcy noticed Jane had left her keys, sunglasses, and small tote she kept her toiletries in behind. She shook her head. Typical Jane. It was surprising that the astrophysicist hadn’t left her head behind as well. It wasn't the first time Darcy had to use the direct line to Asgard for this very purpose. 

Taking a deep breath, she yelled at the ceiling, “Attention Asgard, this is Darcy Lewis speaking! Heimdall, if you can hear me, please let the absentminded professor know that she’s left half her luggage behind along with her keys. Tell her I’ll stick them out on the balcony in case I go out, and she can just Bifröst her butt back down here and get them at her convenience.”

Message hopefully delivered, Darcy plopped down on the couch to eat her lunch. Not ten minutes later, there was a knock on the door. She set her plate down on the coffee table, and went to give Jane her belongings.

“What would you do without me?” she called through the door as she turned the doorknob.

“I expect I would enjoy those interminable shawarma meetings with that group of assembled village idiots far less,” a voice with an all too familiar British-sounding accent responded.

Darcy froze, door halfway open, and Jane’s sunglasses dangling from her fingers. “You’re not Jane,” she said stupidly, trying to come to terms with the fact that she was unexpectedly standing in front of Loki while only wearing a pair of festive Avengers themed panties and a practically see-through t-shirt.

“Was there ever any doubt?” he inquired calmly.

“Um… I’m not exactly sure how to answer that. What are you doing at my door in your underwear? I mean, in my underwear,” she stammered, mentally smacking herself in the head. “Disregard all of that. I haven’t had my coffee yet.” 

Loki cocked an eyebrow at her. “I assure you, Miss Lewis, any undergarments I may be wearing belong solely to me.”

For a split second Darcy was consumed with wondering if Loki was a boxers or briefs guy. Somehow, she couldn’t quite picture him in either. That left commando. She fought furiously to rein her imagination in before it could even start to go there.

His eyes widened slightly, lips curving up into a smirk. “Are you quite alright, Darcy? It seems like my presence has flustered you.”

That dick. He was totally enjoying this. Leaning against the doorframe with her hand on her hip, Darcy answered, “No. I answer the door in my underwear for random Norse gods all the time. What do _you_ think?”

“I think perhaps I ought to drop by unannounced more often if that is the case,” Loki responded. “The view is rather inspiring.”

“Oh my God, Loki, this is weird enough without you getting flirty. What did you need?”

She could swear he looked her up and down before asking, “Need?” 

“Yes. Need. You showed up at my door without notice on a Saturday afternoon. I’m assuming you need something, or you would be over in _your_ apartment being a broody, quasi-emo, ex-baddy as usual,” she replied. 

“I have no pressing needs, Miss Lewis. I merely wondered if perhaps you would enjoy some company, seeing as how my oaf of a brother has taken your friend off to Asgard and left you behind alone,” Loki said.

Darcy blinked with surprise. “I’m sorry, but did you just ask if I wanted to hang out? Like, just the two of us?” She gestured between them in case there was any question about what she meant.

“I believe I did, yes.” 

“Here?” she practically squawked.

“Well, I suppose we could use the corridor if you prefer. I must admit, when I planned this endeavor I had imagined that you would invite me inside,” Loki remarked.

She stared at him for a second contemplating her options. There really weren’t any manuals on what to do if immortal alien royalty showed up at your door asking if they could come in to play. Plus there was the fact that she was barely decent. Although she’d been standing in front of him barely decent for the past ten minutes, and it hadn’t seemed to phase him. If she let him in she could always put on pants. Finally she gave a massive mental shrug, swung the door open fully, and asked, “Would you like to come in, Loki?”

His gaze met hers, and she could see amusement swirling in the depths of his green eyes. “I thought you’d never ask.”

And that was how Darcy came to be sitting on her couch, now wearing a pair of shorts over her underwear, finishing her lunch while Loki sat at the other end looking completely out of place in his dramatic leather armor.

“You know,” she said, using her fork to point at his clothes, “even Thor owns jeans. You should try them sometime.”

He glanced down at himself and then back at her. “I prefer to wear Asgardian attire.”

“Really?” she asked. “Is that stuff comfortable? It doesn’t look comfortable.”

“Comfortable like yours?”

This time she was _sure_ he was checking her out. His eyes slid over her body, lingering in a few very specific places.

“Dude, knock it off or I’m going to wrap myself in one of your brother's spare capes,” Darcy said, putting her empty plate down on the side table, and settling back against the cushions of the couch. “I’m not a piece of meat.”

He immediately shifted his eyes back to her face, hands held palms up in a gesture of apology. “Forgive me. I had no intention of offending you. I was merely admiring your attire.”

“Uhuh,” she replied, not remotely convinced. “So, back to you. I get the whole preferring to dress like an Asgardian thing. It’s what you’re used to, that’s cool, but why so formal? I mean, it’s just me right now. I’m not sure if you’ve noticed this or not, but I don’t really have a dress code going on here. Don’t you own something less...I don’t know...battle-ready?”

For a couple of beats Loki just seemed to be considering her question, and then a strange, blurry glow encompassed most of his body. As she sat there watching, his armor morphed into a soft olive green tunic, and different pair of leather pants without bunches of metal squares fastened onto them. He kept the boots. Darcy was okay with that.

“Is this more to your liking?” he asked.

“I knew you could still do magic,” she exclaimed triumphantly. “Did you turn my plate green last week?”

“Minor tricks,” he replied nonchalantly. “You seemed bored, and I was curious if you would notice.”

Darcy grinned at him. “I noticed. Are you behind Thor’s inability to use a glass without dumping the contents everywhere too?”

“I have no idea what you are talking about. My brother’s lack of grace during meals has nothing to with me,” Loki said, but she caught a brief glint in his eyes that said otherwise.

“You’re totally lying right now, aren’t you?”

“Do you actually believe I would admit to lying, Ms Lewis?”

She shook her head, still smiling. “Nope. I bet you don’t admit to anything unless you have some seriously compelling motivation.”

Loki’s eyes met hers. “Your powers of perception are shockingly accurate.”

Darcy couldn’t tell if he was teasing her or being serious. Knowing Loki, it was a little of both. Either way his unflinching eye-contact was making her a little nervous. She got up and took her plate to the kitchen. When she turned back around again, she found his eyes fixed on her once more. There was a hungry edge to his gaze that made her shiver. 

“Do you have any idea how lovely you are?” Loki said as she returned to her spot on the couch. “I am still questioning how Thor ever chose Jane Foster with you so close at hand.”

The electricity in the room climbed several more notches. She wasn’t exactly sure what to say. Loki wasn’t prone to compliments. Sarcasm, teasing, and mocking yes. Calling her lovely? No. She decided to go with a neutral answer. 

“Glasses,” Darcy said, tapping the frames that were perched on her face. “Some guys just can’t see past them.”

He leaned forward, gently taking the plastic frames between his thumbs and forefingers, and setting them aside. Cupping her face in one hand, he studied it intently. She held her breath, heart pounding from the intimate gesture. 

“I see the same woman,” Loki finally said. “Witty, compassionate, unafraid to say what others will not. As I said, you are lovely. These neither change, nor detract from that fact.” He lifted her glasses, settling them on her face again. 

Darcy’s chest hitched, and she exhaled slowly, every inch of her body suddenly way too aware of his. “Why are you being so friendly?” she asked, unable to keep the suspicion out of her voice.

He sat back. “You would prefer I was insulting?”

“I would prefer you were less hard to read,” she replied. 

“My compliment was hard to read?” Loki arched a questioning eyebrow. “Here I believed it was utterly transparent.”

“No. It’s not the compliment.” She slid a hand through her still-damp hair, ruffling it in frustration. “All of you is hard to read. The whole package. At the risk of making this conversation even more uncomfortable, I have to ask, what is this about? Because if you're just amusing yourself with the pesky mortal girl, or trying to antagonize Thor by screwing around with me, you can just go back to your apartment, and find someone else to sit with on shawarma nights.”

Her diatribe was met with silence. It went on so long that Darcy started to fidget, twisting the fringe on one of the throw pillows between her fingers.

Finally Loki spoke. “I had hoped we were friends. Although I would be lying if I didn’t say the added benefit of our acquaintance causing discomfiture to my brother isn’t appealing.”

“Okay,” she said slowly, leveling her gaze on his face. “Which comes first? Us being friends, or us being friends annoying Thor?”

“Had my main goal been just to anger Thor, I would have had you in my bed and discarded you already. Does that answer your question?”

She snorted. “Wow, you give yourself a lot of credit for someone who probably hasn’t been laid in like...the past four years.”

He stared at her for a second and then started to laugh. Darcy watched apprehensively. It wasn’t exactly the reaction she’d expected.

“You have an appalling lack of fear,” Loki eventually said, amusement still present on his face.

“Actually it’s more like I have an appalling lack of a filter,” she told him. “You’re not about to kill me and bury me under the floorboards, are you?”

“Relax, Ms Lewis. I haven’t enough magic to dispose of you without leaving a mess. In addition, I find you far too diverting to want you dead. You’re safe for the time being.”

“That’s comforting.” Darcy rolled her eyes. “So friends, huh? What exactly does friendship with the God of Mischief entail?”

“I have much enjoyed watching you eat in your undergarments. We can add that to the definition if you’d like,” he said with a smirk.

“I put shorts on,” she corrected. 

He eyed them briefly. “Indeed. They are charming.”

Darcy couldn’t think of a witty reply to that other than to call him an ass. It somehow didn’t seem like enough, so she decided to overlook his comment. “You know, we could always do stuff. Together. Friends do that. You could explore the city without an invading army for a change. It’s much nicer that way.”

“Will you be wearing that?” Loki inquired, gesturing at her outfit.

Darcy shook her head. “Absolutely not. And you won’t be wearing that either. The last thing we need is for people to recognize you as the nutcase who leveled half of midtown a few years ago.”

The space around Loki went blurry bright for a moment, and when it cleared he was wearing a tailored suit with a long scarf around his neck. He cocked his head at her. “Better?”

“Sorry, but Stuttgart Maniac isn’t really an improvement over Psycho Who Destroyed New York. Besides it’s almost June. You’re going to be too hot in that. Go home. Figure out something less black tie and more cold beer in a plastic cup, and meet me back here in twenty minutes.”

“You are serious?” he asked incredulously.

“As a heart-attack. Go get changed. I’ll see you in a little bit, and then we can take this city by storm.” She remembered who she was talking to and added, “Figuratively speaking, anyway. Besides, technically I think it would be Thor who takes cities by storm, right?”

Loki seemed completely unimpressed with her awkward attempt at a joke. His lips thinned out to the point where they almost disappeared. Without another word he got up and left the apartment. It wasn’t clear if he actually planned on returning, but Darcy decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and headed off to her room to change. 

Twenty minutes later exactly, there was knock on her door. Darcy answered it to find Loki standing there in a pair of dark, fitted jeans, a black dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and a pair of black leather shoes. She looked him up and down appreciatively. “Look at you, all pretty and shit. I knew you’d be hot in jeans.”

He glanced down at them disdainfully, and said, “I will take your word for it.” Then he took in her strappy sundress and said, “Perhaps changing was worthwhile after all.”

The look on Loki’s face as his gaze raked over her made Darcy feel naked despite her dress. It was nearly as bad as the way he was looking at her earlier in the kitchen. The worst part was that she’d be lying if she said she didn't like it. It was because of of that liking it that Darcy quickly said, “Nevermind the clothes, let’s just go.”

He shrugged. “As you wish.”

“I don’t even know what I wish anymore,” she muttered, brushing past him to the reach for the ‘down’ button on the elevator. “This day just gets weirder all the time.”

“I find myself unable to disagree,” he replied. 

“With which one?” Darcy pressed the button for the lobby and leaned back against the rail as the elevator started to move.

Loki mimicked her posture, lounging along against the opposite wall of the small, square space. “What if I said both?”

“Nobody could argue that this day hasn't been weird, but you don’t know what to wish for?” she asked him. “I thought you were permanently set on world domination.”

“Actually,” he replied, the corners of his mouth turning up slightly, “I believe it is more that I know _what_ I wish for, I’m just questioning the sanity of it.”

“Look, not to burst your bubble, Loki, but sanity isn’t really your m.o.” Darcy remarked dryly. “So I wouldn’t worry too much about that.”

“You truly aren’t afraid of me, are you?” he said quietly, studying her face. “You never have been. Why is that?”

It was a good question. In truth, it was one she’d asked herself on more than one occasion. Why wasn’t she more afraid of him? He’d done terrible things. Darcy had seen the footage first hand, and yet she had this strong conviction that the guy who’d caused all the destruction wasn’t the guy standing across an elevator from her right now. She had no real proof to base that on...just a gut instinct. 

“I don’t know,” she answered slowly. “I just sort of...sympathize isn’t quite the right word, because I don’t sympathize with what you did. But I do think maybe there was a lot that led to you doing what you did, and maybe that those things are less of an issue for you now. Plus you’re trying. Other than that, there’s just something I can’t put my finger on. I just kind of like you,” Darcy admitted. “Is that crazy?”

“I imagine your friends must think so,” Loki replied.

“Lucky for you that I totally suck at taking well-meaning advice then,” she said. “I don’t know if you noticed, but I have this habit of doing what I want. It lands me a lot of trouble, actually.” 

The last part was said more to herself than him. Just look at what she was doing at the moment, for instance.

He tilted his head thoughtfully. “I must say, I find the impetuous side of your nature quite appealing.”

“Big surprise there,” she said.

Before he could respond the elevator came to a stop. Darcy took a deep breath, and stepped out into the lobby with Loki. She was well aware of the hidden cameras posted all over the tower. At this point all of S.H.I.E.L.D. probably knew she and the God of Mischief were hitting the town together. Monday morning was going to be fun to say the least. Darcy could only imagine the debriefing session Nick would have in store for her. It almost made her want to ask Loki if he’d rather go back upstairs to learn the finer points of Monopoly instead. 

“You are concerned as to what Nicholas will think of our little outing?”

Her head snapped up in alarm. “Are you reading my mind?” 

“No, you were staring at the camera over the doors, frowning and holding your breath. At any rate, mind reading is hardly necessary with you since you appear to have an utter inability to contain the thoughts running through your head.” 

Relief washed over Darcy. There were things in her head she definitely didn't want him seeing. Some of the stuff she thought of on shawarma nights while he was sitting next to her was far from innocent. Like last week, when she noticed how nice his hands were and then started to wonder what they would feel like on certain, strategic parts of her body. The last thing she needed was for him to know that.

“That’s good. I don’t really like the idea of someone invading my head,” she said.

“Neither do I,” he said, features darkening, and she wondered if he were referring to Thanos.

“ _Can_ you read minds?” Darcy peered up at him, but all Loki gave her in answer was silence and an enigmatic smile. 

She wondered if were refusing to tell her because they were still on camera, or if he didn’t trust her with the information. That was sort of silly, though. Him not telling was more or less a resounding yes. Unless it was a no and he just wanted to keep her guessing, which was completely possible. 

They were nearly to the doors by this point, and Darcy realized that she didn’t have a plan for what to do once they were on the other side. Her mind spun with options, finally settling on one. 

“How do you feel about snow leopards?” she asked, tugging open the long glass door. The summer heat surrounded her in a hazy burst as they stepped outside. 

“I was unaware that I should feel something for them,” Loki replied. 

“No, I mean, would you like to see some? They’ve got them at the Central Park Zoo. We could go there if you want.” 

“You are taking me to a menagerie?” He paused on the sidewalk, people surging around them impatiently while he stared down at her. 

“If you want. I thought we could do that, and then maybe you could see some of Manhattan from the ground while you weren’t wearing a muzzle and chains.” 

“You truly wish to take me to a place full of innocent families out enjoying the day?” Loki’s brow was furrowed like he was trying to add up a complicated mathematical formula and failing spectacularly. 

“Are you going to threaten, maim, or otherwise injure those families?” she asked. 

__“I… No. I suppose not.”_ _

__“Well then, I don’t see the problem.” Darcy left him standing there still looking dumbfounded, and got to work hailing a cab. She wasn’t about to use one of the S.H.I.E.L.D. issue town cars. If Nick wanted to do further spying, he’d have to have them followed._ _

__It took a few tries, but a dented, mustard yellow taxi finally rolled to a stop in front of them. To her surprise, Loki leaned around her and opened the door, gesturing for her to get inside._ _

__“Look at you being all chivalrous,” she said, giving the cabbie the address, and sliding across the vinyl seat so Loki could join her._ _

__“You expect me to be mannerless? I was raised in a palace,” he retorted sharply._ _

__Darcy sighed. “That was a compliment, dumbass. Does everything have to be a fight with you?”_ _

__He didn’t reply. She turned to find him sitting stiffly on the seat next to her, gaze fixed on the traffic outside his window with his fists clenched on his knees. Clearly she’d hit a nerve._ _

__“Yo,” she said, poking him in the side. “What’s wrong?”_ _

__When he spoke, his tone was low enough that Darcy had to strain to hear it. “My entire life has been a fight, Ms Lewis. It is a hard lesson to unlearn.”_ _

__“Not with me,” she replied._ _

__“Excuse me?” His bright green eyes swiveled over to her face._ _

__“Your life may have been a fight, but that fight wasn’t with me. I like you, remember? I’m taking you to the zoo and everything.” As Darcy spoke she noticed his posture relaxing a little, the hard set of his jaw softening. Encouraged, she went on. “Look, I can only imagine how shitty things were back on Asgard. Your stepfather, or whatever he is, seems like a pretty epic douchebag, and Thor was kind of a dick when he first got here. So I assume growing up with them as family was less than ideal for you. But I wasn’t there for that, and I’ve been nothing but nice...well, mostly nice...since you got here. Even though being nice to you means that Fury will probably start wire-tapping my phonecalls and bugging my room if he isn’t already. Which will really put a damper on my quality ‘me time’, if you catch my drift.”_ _

Loki’s lips twitched. “Did you just mention my father, Nicholas Fury, and self-pleasure in the same breath?” 

Darcy wanted to bang her head against the seat rest. Had she really just said that? To _Loki_? He was right. Reading her mind was pointless when she sucked so bad at keeping her mouth shut. 

“Um, yes,” she said finally. “I did. But trust me, those things have absolutely zero to do with each other. For real. I have never, ever thought of anyone in your family or from work while doing that.” Except him. Thank God she hadn't blurted _that_ out at least. 

His expression seemed suspicious, and Darcy recalled Thor once saying that Loki had an uncanny ability to tell when someone was lying. What if he could tell what she’d said was untrue? He might be working out the possibilities as they spoke. She cleared her throat loudly, and turned towards her window in an attempt to keep him from noticing the deep flush that was starting to creep up her neck.

“Is there something you would like to tell me, Ms Lewis?” he asked, and it was impossible to miss the smugness in his tone.

Shit. Darcy cleared her throat again, refusing to make eye-contact. “Nope.” 

__Fortunately the further conversation was interrupted by the cab grinding to a halt outside the gates of the zoo._ _

__“We’re here,” she said unnecessarily. The massive brick archway with its iron animals dancing around a central clock made their location pretty obvious._ _

__Loki followed her out of the cab and waited while she paid. A few minutes later they were standing in front of a tired looking woman behind a plexiglass window, purchasing tickets. To Darcy’s surprise, Loki pulled a sleek leather wallet from his pocket while she was still rummaging around in her purse for hers, and paid both their admissions._ _

__“This was supposed to be my treat,” she said, as they made their way inside._ _

__“I was under the impression that Midgardian men are responsible for that sort of thing,” he replied._ _

__“Um, what?” Darcy came to a screeching halt mentally. “What ‘sort of thing’?”_ _

__“This type of Midgardian courtship ritual,” he answered simply, and she decided it would be best to sit down on one of the benches nearby. In fact, she was strongly debating on whether or not she should put her head between her knees and count to twenty._ _

The whole morning began to move through her head in a series of rapid-fire images. Loki showing up to keep her company while Jane and Thor were gone. The weird semi-flirting. Her offer to take him out and show him around New York City. 

Oh. God. Oh God, oh God, oh God. She was out on a date with the God of Mischief. A _date_. They were...this was… Yeah. She needed to get some clarification before her thoughts ran away with her completely. 

__“Loki, is this...a date?” Darcy asked haltingly._ _

“I find that term less than appealing,” he responded. 

__She rubbed her hand over her forehead. “Duly noted. Is that what this is, though?”_ _

“Is it not?” His expression took on a guarded cast.

“Okay, please don’t get angry, but remember when I said you’re hard to read? You are really, really hard to read. So I’m going to ask you a few things, and all I need you to do is answer without going batshit crazy. Is that fair?” 

__Loki remained standing for a few moments longer, and then joined her on the bench, arms folded over his chest defensively. He stared ahead, muscle twitching in his cheek. “By all means, Darcy, ask what you want. I will make every attempt not to murder the tourists.”_ _

__“That’s not what I meant,” she explained, trying to suppress the way it made her feel to hear him finally say her name. “I just don’t want to make you mad at me.”_ _

__He turned to face her. “Ask.”_ _

__“Right. Okay. Um, the flirting. You aren’t just trying to throw me off, are you? You’re actually flirting. With me.”_ _

__“I dislike that term as well, but yes. I am.”_ _

__“Because…?” She looked at him expectantly._ _

__“What is it that you want to hear?” He ran his hand through his raven locks in a gesture of frustration. “That you are the only person who has treated me with any semblance of respect or kindness since I was banished to this backwards planet? That I find you charming in ways I never would have expected or imagined, and I spend an inordinate amount of time wondering what I could do to make you smile or laugh because of it? Or perhaps what you are looking for is that all of my ‘quality me time’ as you call it, has been completed with your name on my lips of late.”_ _

__Darcy choked gracelessly, mouth dropping open in shock. “Did you just imply that I’m part of your spank bank?”_ _

__“No,” Loki said. “I implied that you are the entirety of it.”_ _

__She sat there reeling while Loki grew more and more agitated with every passing second that she didn’t speak. Finally she managed, “We suck at first dates. Oh my fucking God, for real. We’re terrible at it. I hope we’re better at sex.”_ _

__His mood shifted abruptly, mouth starting to curve with amusement. “This is a date then?”_ _

__“Yeah. Yes. Clearly.” Darcy looked at him for a moment, a smile starting to quirk up her own lips. “I took the God of Mischief to the zoo on our first date.”_ _

__“I think you will find that I paid. Therefore, I believe I took you.” Loki was outright grinning at this point, and she sagged back against the bench, trying to process what had just happened._ _

__“Since I paid for the cab, let’s all it even Stevens,” she told him._ _

__“Your Midgardian colloquialisms leave much to be desired,” he replied dryly. “However, I will allow it. Did you intend to show me the zoo, Darcy, or are we just here to visit this bench?”_ _

__“You know, being nice to your date is usually helpful if you want to turn your spank bank ideas into reality” she advised him._ _

__“In that case, I think you will find me chivalrous to a fault.”_ _

__Darcy laughed, pushing herself off the bench and brushing off the back of her skirt. “I’m totally in trouble now, aren’t I? Come on, Prince of Asgard. I think I promised you leopards.”_ _

__Loki had just gotten to his feet, long frame unfolding in a way that made Darcy want to tackle him back onto the bench, when her phone started blaring Black Sabbath. She almost pocketed it without bothering to check the text, but there was always an off chance Tony had a valid reason for texting that had nothing to do with something ridiculous._ _

__Three seconds and one annoyed sigh later, Darcy held the phone out so Loki could see the words **Emergency Shawarma Meeting ASAP. No Exceptions. I’m buying.** in bold font across her screen. _ _

__“I should have removed those bracelets before dropping him from the window,” Loki said darkly._ _

__“‘Dropping’ is putting it mildly, don’t you think? I’ve seen the footage. It was more of a launching motion. Anyway, yeah. Next time remember the bracelets.” She had her eyes fixed on the screen as she texted back a reply. “Sorry about the date getting wrecked. Or whatever you want to call this, since you hate that word.”_ _

__“Who said it was over?” he inquired, placing a hand on her lower back and using it to steer her towards the exit._ _

__“What, you want to continue this at shawarma?” Darcy gave him an incredulous glance._ _

__“No, I want to continue this at my apartment. Specifically, in my bed. As that wish appears to be a futile one at the moment, I suggest we make the most of it.”_ _

__She stopped just under the archway, forcing him to halt as well. “I’m sorry, but are you under the impression that this was going to end in sex?” Loki didn’t reply, just arched an eyebrow at her. After a brief standoff, Darcy exhaled noisily, shaking her head. “Okay, fine. You’re right. Just don’t get all smug about it, you want it as bad as I do, and we both know it.”_ _

__“I wouldn’t dream of it,” he said with a smirk._ _

__“Shut up, Loki,” she huffed. “Let’s just get this stupid meeting over with so I can get those jeans off of you.”_ _

__His smirk turned positively sinful. “Mmm, there’s that impetuous streak I find so appealing.”_ _

__“Did you not hear me say shut up?” she retorted over her shoulder as she hailed a cab._ _

__“Impetuous and demure,” he teased. “Like a delicate wildflower.”_ _

__Darcy rolled her eyes at him. “Stop making that face at me, and get in the goddamn cab, asshat.”_ _

__“Did I mention ladylike?”_ _

__“Get. In. The. Cab.”_ _

__“As you wish.”_ _

__She watched as he slipped gracefully into the taxi and waited for her to follow. There was a light in his eyes that made her think shawarma was going to be even more interesting than usual. In fact, Darcy suspected interesting didn’t even come close to covering what was in store for her during dinner. Fantastic._ _

__With a weird combination of lust and trepidation swirling through her system, she slid into the cab next to the God of Mischief. Well, whatever the the rest of her day had in store, at least it wouldn't be boring. As the wheels began to roll, and Loki’s knee brushed tantalizingly against hers, she decided not boring was going to be pretty damn good._ _


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Darcy has some very good reasons as to why fooling around in a cab with Loki is a bad idea. Unfortunately, she can't remember them, and his counter-argument turns out to be excellent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...this took a really long time to get posted, and for that I am sorry. I'm not sure what the deal was. I couldn't get these two to shut up and smut. 
> 
> Technically they never did shut up. As to whether or not smutting happened...well...I'm not gonna spoil it for you. Also, since I am incapable of staying within the chapter limits I make for myself, this will have more chapters. Don't expect a whole lot of plot, though. ;D We have a new pheasant, too. Let me know when you spot him. 
> 
> On an unrelated note, did you guys read Anniemar's story for this prompt challenge? If not, go read it. It's everything she does so well, like plot, and descriptions, and smut, PLUS Jedi Loki, guys. JEDI. LOKI. That's all I'm gonna say.
> 
> **************************************************************************************************

They weren’t in the cab ten seconds when Darcy began to fidget. Her mind was still trying to wrap around what had just transpired. Loki wanted her. _Loki_. She looked over at him sitting on the opposite side of the cab and found him watching her. The open desire in his eyes made her lungs skip.

“You can’t do that,” she said, licking her lips nervously.

His gaze flickered between her mouth and her eyes. “What can’t I do?”

“Look at me like that. I mean, you _can_ , but I’ll end up in your lap,” Darcy answered.

“I fail to see how that is an unfavorable outcome,” Loki replied with a smirk.

“Well, because...because…” Her brain was absolutely refusing to cooperate and supply her with a justification for why straddling Loki in a moving cab would be a bad idea. “Reasons,” she finally finished lamely.

“You will have to forgive me, Darcy, if I am unmoved by that truly compelling argument.”

“Too bad,” she replied. “It’s the best one I’ve got.”

Loki arched an eyebrow at her. “I see. Well then, allow me to make a rebuttal.”

He reached over and settled one hand on her knee, fingers moving in a slow, swirly pattern.  
She let out a tiny gasp at the contact. Her eyes flashed to the cabbie. Had he seen? To her relief, his entire focus seemed to be on the perpetually frenzied city traffic.

“Will you gasp for me later as well, Ms Lewis?” Loki inquired in a nearly inaudible tone.

“That all depends on if you're…” Darcy paused as his fingers began to move again, slipping under the hem of her dress. “...any good.”

His eyes roved over her hungrily, palm resting warmly on the inside of her thigh. “That sounds very much like a challenge. Are you quite certain you want to test me? I’m not exactly known for my reticence when it comes to misbehavior.”

“You wouldn’t,” she hissed. “We’re in a moving cab on a crowded street.”

“I assure you, Darcy, the fact that we are in the company of others is less of a deterrent than it is an incentive. Be very sure before you tempt me.”

Loki’s fingers curved against her skin, creating sparks of arousal everywhere they touched, and Darcy took a small, shaky breath. She should definitely put a stop to it. A sane person wouldn’t even consider what he was suggesting. Instead she found herself adjusting in her seat to give him better access.

“That feels very much like a yes,” he said, palm sliding further up the inside of her leg. “Is it?”

Darcy swallowed thickly. “Loki…”

His hand continued to coax her legs apart, the hem of her dress rising as his fingers drifted higher on her thigh. “Your skin is so very warm under my fingers,” he commented in a low voice. “Warm, and smooth, and… Mmmmm, what have we here?”

One of his knuckles grazed over her through her panties, pressing more firmly with each slow pass. She gripped the edge of her seat in an effort to stop herself from grinding into his touch. Loki’s other hand reached up to cup her face, thumb indolently tracing a path across her bottom lip.

“Tell me to stop,” he said, brilliant emerald gaze locked on her face. 

She shook her head. “I don’t want you to.”

“No?”

“Nope.”

“Pull over,” Loki abruptly ordered.

Darcy blinked in half-dazed confusion. He was still looking at her, but his hand was no longer under her skirt. It took her a few seconds to realize he was talking to the driver. The taxi weaved through the other cars, and rolled to a stop alongside the curb.

“What are you doing?” she questioned. “We’re two blocks from the restaurant.”

He didn’t answer, just pulled a amount of money from his wallet without bothering to count it and tossed it onto the front seat of the cab. Then he leaned around her and opened the door. “Get out.”

“I don’t…”

Loki slid his arm around her waist, and she could feel his breath on her ear as he spoke. “Darcy, you were the one who desired more privacy. If that still appeals to you, I would suggest exiting the vehicle. Immediately.”

“Oh.” She cleared her throat. “Right. Yeah. Let’s get out.”

The moment they were both on the sidewalk, Loki placed his arm around her shoulders and began to steer her towards a dark, narrow opening between a bakery and a weird shop that was a combination of a dry cleaner and what looked like a ballroom dance studio. Only in New York, Darcy thought. Her ponderings on the matter were promptly ended once they were concealed in the tiny alley. Loki backed her up against the cool brick wall of the bakery, pressing himself full-length against her, and covered her mouth with his own.

There was no hesitancy in this first kiss. Not that Darcy was expecting it at this point. They were both far too keyed up. Loki's lips moved on hers greedily, hands on either side of her face to control the angle. There was nipping, and sucking, and his tongue flicking restlessly along hers.

Fingers clutching the cool cloth of his oxford, Darcy could feel his muscles rippling beneath it as he leaned into her. One leg slipped between hers, holding her fixed in place, and she suddenly had a better idea why he usually insisted on wearing the Asgardian Tunic of Doom. It apparently hid a pretty massive multitude of sins. Something that his jeans were completely failing to do.

God, she wanted him. Almost enough to have sex in a Midtown alley that looked like it was probably frequented by Matt Murdock. Darcy vaguely wondered if they ought to check the dumpster for canes just in case.

His fingers began roving over her body. She found herself starting to ache with need as they cupped her breasts, squeezing and kneading the warm flesh through her dress. Just as she was losing herself in the sensation his hands moved, skating down her sides in a tantalizingly deliberate way. It was enough to drive a girl crazy.

There wasn’t going to be alley sex, though. They just wasn’t. Even if Loki’s hands _did_ feel really good sliding up her thighs under her dress. Damn. She finally pulled her lips away from his, drawing some much needed air into her lungs before speaking. 

“We can’t do this in an alley,” she told him as he gripped her ass in both hands, and used the leverage to grind himself against her in a seriously distracting manner. 

“Am I about to be graced with yet another compelling argument?” Loki inquired.

“Yes. No. Sort of.” It was really hard to think while he was hitching one of her legs up against his thigh. “Just...please?”

At the sound of her ‘please’ he immediately stopped. “Tell me,” he said gently.

“Because…” She paused, gathering her scattered thoughts. His fingers curled against the underside of her leg, which really didn’t help with her concentration, but she did her best. “Okay, we didn’t even see the leopards, and now we’re in an alley. Which is hot. Seriously. It’s very hot. _You_ are very hot, and clearly hugely turned on, which is really appealing. Trust me. I just… It’s not every day a girl nails a magical Space-Prince who used to be worshiped by Vikings. This is something I’m going to remember probably for the rest of my life.”

“They worshiped my brother. I was generally blamed for things,” he said. “However, that is the only part of your argument I can refute.”

“Yeah well, what guy would want to refute being told they were hot and had a giant dick?” Darcy replied dryly.

“I was thinking more along the lines of this being an experience you would never forget,” he remarked, self-satisfied smile glinting in the dim light.

“You realize that’s worse than what you said before, right? How ‘smug’ isn’t part of your official title never fails to amaze me. Loki, God of Smug-ass Bragging, Mischief, and Lie…” Her voice halted, focus suddenly and completely directed elsewhere. “Um, what are you doing down there with your hand?” 

“As I suspect this conversation will also be something you will remember forever, I am attempting to make the memory worthwhile,” Loki said. 

“Well, that’s clever...I guess. I mean it’s working to your advantage, but we're still not having sex fifteen feet from a dumpster ten minutes before we have to go to shawarma with Tony Stark.”

“No,” he agreed. “We are not. But surely that does not predicate that we eschew all pleasure.” He languidly rotated his wrist, and she bit back a whimper. “I believe this is the first time I have ever seen you silent. How long do you suppose it will last?.”

“Not… Oh my _God_. Not long if you keep doing that,” Darcy told him.

“It’s rather rude to call upon another deity while you in my presence,” Loki mused. “What if I should take offense?”

“You’re not really a god.” Her breath stuttered as his fingers slipped inside her panties at last. “Just, um...a very talented alien. _So_ talented. Jesus fucking _fuck_. I said talented, right?”

“Twice,” he replied. His thumb rubbed a tight, slick circle over her clit, and jolts of heat rushed through Darcy’s entire body. “Tell me, do you think this will qualify as a worthwhile memory despite the location?”

“Haha,” she said weakly. “Bite me.”

“Such impudence. What do you suppose would encourage your proper obeisance, hm?” One of his fingers traced slowly around her entrance. 

This time Darcy did whimper. A breathy little thing that ended in an undignified squeak. " _Christ._ "

Loki gave a throaty chuckle, bending his head so his lips could skim the sensitive skin just below her ear. “Will you call out the name of this god later?” His finger had begun deliberately stroking inside her as he spoke. It was joined by a second, as his thumb continued to roll over her clit. Darcy looked up at him helplessly. Her body was humming with every minute movement of his hand. “Do you have any idea how desperate you make me?” he growled. "How very much I am at your mercy at this moment? I think will have you ride me. Just think of it. My body beneath yours, lips ravaging your skin, hands grasping your hips as I thrust upward into your slick heat again, and again."

She hoped he didn't expect a coherent reply to all of that, because she was way beyond being able to answer. Things were getting good. Like, the best kind of good. One more touch, one more slide of his fingers inside her and...and... Darcy's phone rang, the music jarring her straight out of her rhythm.

“Ignore it,” Loki ordered. His crystalline green eyes bored into hers with an intensity that made her knees weak.

“But what if it's S.H.I.E.L.D.? The emergency situation…” she gasped out as his fingers curled and stroked.

“...is unimportant right now,” he finished for her.

“What if it’s… Holy fuck, Looooki!”

"As I am standing right before you, it cannot be me on your phone. Feel free moan my name again, though. I find it quite arousing.”

“Shut up, dumbass,” Darcy said impatiently. “I meant what if it’s Hydra. Not calling me, but what if that’s the situation?” She put her hand on his wrist, stilling the movement.

Loki sighed loudly, withdrawing his fingers as he straightened up. “If this turns out to be Anthony inquiring as to our whereabouts, and not an international threat, you may find yourself with a homicidal god on your hands.”

“One, we have already covered the fact that you are not actually a god per se…”

“That is a matter of opinion,” he interrupted. 

“Two, “ she went on as if he hadn’t said anything, “I’ve had a homicidal not-exactly-a-god on my hands all day without a single incident. Well, ex-homicidal not-exactly-a-god.” She stopped and looked up at him. “Mostly ex-homicidal, anyway. What percent of homicidal would you say you are on a daily basis lately? Just for argument’s sake?”

“Do you want an average, or my mood at this current moment?” Loki asked darkly.

“Nevermind. What I’m saying is that I think I can handle it.” Her phone, which had stopped ringing during their discussion over whether or not to answer it, starting ringing again. “See?” she said triumphantly. “If they’re calling right back, it has to be important.”

It took Darcy a few seconds to fish her phone out of her purse. It took far less than that to realize she was about to have a homicidal not-exactly-a-god on her hands when she answered it.

“You do realize I’m stuck at a table with absolutely zero people who have sense of humor, right?” Tony said without any preamble. 

“Isn’t Clint there yet?” she asked.

“Yes, but he has his handler with him.”

“Natasha isn’t his handler, Tony.”

There was a pause and Darcy could practically hear Stark pursing his lips.

“Yeeeeeah, whatever. Were you planning on joining us for lunch or do we need to send a search party? You know, I’m sure Grandad Rogers would be happy to come looking,” he said.

“Dude, cool your jets,” she replied. “You don't need to send Steve, I’m like half a block away.”

“Uhuh,” Stark said. “I don’t suppose you’ve seen everyone’s least favorite, post-miscreant Asgardian? He’s not here yet either.”

Loki, who had been listening in on conversation, looked like he was considering conjuring up a weapon. 

“Um…” Darcy hedged, trying to come up with a reply that wouldn't cause mayhem. “Well I saw him in the lobby and offered to share a cab. So he’s with me. In the cab. Don’t get weird about it.”

Technically it was true. Although sharing a cab had turned into making out in an alley, and they’d met in the lobby on a prearranged outing, but Tony definitely didn’t need to know that.

“You’re in a cab with _Loki_? Huh. Here I thought he just flew into these meetings on a winged monkey or something.”

“All his monkeys are in for repairs. Is there anything else?”

“No. Not really.” The line went silent for a moment, and then, “He’s not wearing his horns in the cab, is he? If so, I want pictures.”

Darcy gritted her teeth. “No. He’s not wearing his horns.” 

“That could be arranged,” Loki muttered, and she swatted his arm.

“Did he just threaten me?” Stark asked.

“Nope. You must be hearing things.” she replied. “I’m hanging up now, Tony.”

“Yeah, yeah. If you’re not here in ten minutes, I’m sending Cap after you.”

“Do that and I’ll fill all your computer files with furry porn gif-spam,” Darcy promised. “And don’t think JARVIS will protect you. He and I have an understanding.”

“You know, I’m getting the feeling that you don’t want to talk to me right now. It hurts.”

“Tony. I am. Hanging. Up.”

“Ten minutes. Bye.”

Her phone went dead, and Darcy stood there staring at it wishing she could wring his neck. 

“So, that was Tony,” she said to Loki.

“I had gathered that,” he replied. “Would it ruin our evening if he suffered a fatal accident during the meeting?”

“Believe me, you’re not the only one considering it, but yeah. I have a strict no bloodshed during dinner policy.”

“Who said there would be blood?”

“We’re not killing Tony,” Darcy insisted. “Say it with me: I will not slay Tony Stark during shawarma.”

“May I add some caveats to your statement first?” he asked.

“No. You may not. Come on, we need to get down there before he sends Cap after us. I’m not sure he bought the whole cab story.”

Loki sighed again, but followed her out of the alley without any further complaint. Fortunately, the walk to the shawarma restaurant was short, and they arrived well-within Stark’s impending time constraints. Of course, that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to comment on their arrival.

“If it isn’t Reindeer Games and Cereal Killer,” he declared while they took their places at the table. “How was carpooling with an intergalactic criminal, Cereal?”

“You know there was an actual girl hacker in that movie, right? Angelina Jolie. Ever heard of her?” Darcy replied, pulling out two chairs across the table from him, and seating herself in one of them. 

“It’s not my fault they didn’t call her Cereal Killer,” he said. “Besides, who doesn’t love Matthew Lillard? The answer is no one, just in case you were wondering.”

Darcy decided to let it go. Mostly because he had a point. “So what’s the big emergency? Did Pepper hide your favorite suit again?”

Tony narrowed his eyes at her. “You know, that joke doesn’t get any better with age. Anyway, I was hungry and wanted shawarma.” Everyone turned to stare at him. “What? Pepper is out of town. I don’t like to eat on my own. Sue me.” 

Natasha muttered something under her breath in Russian.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t quite catch that,” Tony said. “Care to repeat it?”

Clint shook his head. “Yeeeeeah, I’d let it go if I were you, Tony. There really aren’t any English translations that do what she said justice.”

“Wait. You understood that? Really?” Stark scratched his chin. “I’m actually sort of impressed. How did she teach you Russian anyway? Was it treat based? Negative reinforcement squirt bottle? Sorry, I’m just really curious.”

Steve shifted in his seat. “So there is no emergency then?”

“If you want I’ll hit Tony with my chair and make one,” Darcy offered. 

She could see a small smile flit across Loki’s lips at her words. Barton openly snorted, and Steve looked as if he were considering taking her up on it.

“Just once I’d like to get through one of these meetings without anyone threatening violence,” Natasha sighed.

“Never gonna happen,” Tony said. 

Darcy was ten seconds from grabbing Loki and ditching shawarma completely. But if arriving together was suspicious, _leaving_ together would totally put Stark on high alert. She might as well be wearing a t-shirt that read, ‘Ask me about banging the God of Mischief’. No thanks. 

As they studied the menus, Darcy glanced at Loki out of the corner of her eye. She figured he would be fashioning shivs out of his silverware by this point.

He totally wasn’t. To her surprise he seemed sort of amused? No, not amused exactly. It was something else. Something way more like… Shit. Mischievous. That’s _exactly_ how he looked. Loki was up to something.

Catching her watching him, Loki held her gaze pointedly for a moment. Then he lifted his hand to his mouth, and stroked his fingers over his lips as he went back to considering the menu.

Darcy frowned. Okay. Clearly he wanted her to notice something, and yeah, his fingers were very sexy as they brushed sensuously over his lips, but that seemed sort of tame for the man who was considered the God of Mischief. Then awareness dawned. His hand. His _fingers_. 

Normally she might have made some smart comment about where that hand had been, but the problem was she knew just where that hand had been.

And she was absolutely going to _kill_ him.

No. She was going to do one better. Darcy was going to get even, and she knew just how she wanted to do it.

He wanted to tease her in front of two thirds of the assembled Avengers? Fine. Two could play at that game, and Loki had better brace himself, because she had no intention of playing fair.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Revenge. Also sexytimes. (And Tony makes a horse joke...because there is absolutely no way that wasn't happening)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. I'm sorry it took so long to update this. Very sorry. All the sorry. My muse went on vacation without me, and then we broke up. But it's all good now, because he showed back up and brought Bucky Barnes with him. (Don't ask. I blame anniemar. And when I say I blame her what I really meant to say is that I love her because Bucky Motherfucking Barnes y'all.)
> 
> 2\. I promise to answer all reviews in a timely manner now that ao3 isn't being a total weirdo with my inbox. So if you reviewed the previously chapter and I didn't reply, I apologize. Your comments and reviews mean the world to me, and I love them. They deserve the respect of being answered. Please forgive me for not doing so. I had crazy home stuff going on, a muse abandonment issue, and, like I said, ao3 was being a weirdo with my inbox.
> 
> 3\. This chapter is hella smutty. Hella. So if you're gonna read it at work, get your smutty fic reading stealth mode on. ;D
> 
> ************************************************************************

Loki was still perusing his menu, fingers tracing languidly over his lips, when Darcy put her plan into action. 

“What are you ordering?” she asked, leaning casually closer to Loki as if to read the menu over his shoulder.

“Nothing,” he replied. “I would sooner starve than eat food Stark had paid for.”

She rolled her eyes. “I hate to break it to you, but who do you think keeps the S.H.I.E.L.D. breakroom stocked with those gourmet donuts you like? And the good coffee? You know Fury isn’t springing for that, right? Besides, free lunch is free lunch. Just pick something.”

As she spoke, Darcy let her hand drift across the space between them, the scratchy edge of the cheap plastic tablecloth skimming over her arm. It only took her questing fingers a moment to find what they wanted, and she fought back a smile when she made contact with the dark denim encasing his legs.

Her fingers lingered briefly on his knee. She traced a small circle over his kneecap, and then began trailing them up his thigh with soft, feathery touches. Loki remained impassive, but she could feel his muscles tensing beneath her fingertips as she coasted higher, toying with the seam on the inside of his jeans.

“Are you quite certain that is what you wish to order, Miss Lewis?” he murmured after a few seconds. “It seems a rather dangerous choice. One might even suggest you are playing with fire.”

“Don’t worry about me. I’m all about taking risks,” she replied, and let her pinky finger graze along his zipper. It could almost have been mistaken for unintentional. Almost.

“Indeed. Well, far be it from me to stop you then,” Loki said. “I just wanted to make you aware of the potential consequences.”

If that wasn’t permission to feel him up under the table, Darcy didn’t know what was. Her pinky rubbed over him again, harder this time, and she was rewarded with a quiet hiss. “Maybe I’m all about consequences too.”

“I find I am looking forward to them myself,” he deadpanned.

She flipped up her own menu to hide her grin. “You’re toast, you know that right?”

Loki gave a nearly inaudible snort. “Is that what you think?”

“No. It’s what I know.” She palmed him firmly through his jeans, feeling his immediate response under her hand. “See?”

“A good start,” he said with a shrug. “But merely a start. Have you anything further planned, or shall I go back to my menu?”

Oh that cocky bastard. He knew full well there was only so much she could do under that table. The angle was all wrong to really cause trouble, and they were sitting there with two thirds of the Avengers.

Still. She wanted to wipe the smugness right off his face. Darcy weighed her options and realized she was rapidly moving straight towards ‘fuck it’ where acting like a responsible adult was concerned. She gave another slow rub over him, and relished in the feeling of Loki’s cock straining under her hand. He also appeared to be gritting his teeth now, which...yeah okay, that was pretty hot. 

“How’s that menu now, Mr. Merely a Start?” she asked.

“Considerably less compelling than it was a minute ago,” he answered.

Darcy felt a hot bolt of lust shoot through her as he slid his hips forward in a near imperceptible movement so he could grind himself into her palm. God, she wanted to get her hand inside his pants. Truthfully, at this point she just wanted to get inside his pants, period. It was time to move things to another venue before she did something rash. Like giving him a handjob under the table, and what exactly had her life come to that she was having a hard time seeing that as a _bad_ thing?

The major obstacle now was how to get out of dodge without alerting the troops. Although...why was she hiding it from the troops anyway? Yeah it would be nice to not have to answer to Fury for getting busy with Loki, but Stark Tower was full of cameras. The idea that her boss was in the dark about them spending the afternoon together was laughable at this point. In fact, she suspected Tony already had the moment where she opened the door in her underwear looped into gif form for his personal use by now. 

Plus keeping it from the rest of the team seemed disingenuous. That wasn’t really her style. Whatever. Darcy was ten seconds from dragging Loki off to the cramped unisex bathroom in the back of the restaurant. Except attempting sex up against a wall between a sink and a urinal wasn’t really doing it for her. They might as well have finished in the alley. At least it was roomier.

Then Loki closed his hand over her own, and moved it over his still clothed length in a long slow stroke.

Yeah. She was _so_ ending this shawarma farce right the fuck now. Darcy stood up, and cleared her throat to get everyone’s attention.

“Important announcement, Cereal?” Tony asked, glancing up at her over his menu.

“Yep.” She looked over at Loki. “Tell me to stop.” It was an echo of what he’d said to her earlier in the cab, and she was depending him picking up on that.

Lucky for her, he completely did. “Now why would I want to do that?” he asked, eyes blazing with hectic, green light. 

“You sure?” she pressed.

“Quite,” he replied.

Darcy beamed at him. “Awesome.”

Stark raised both eyebrows at her and set the menu on the tabletop. “Why do I feel like you’re about to tell us that Reindeer Games is carrying your pony?”

“No. It’s nothing like that. Weeeeell...not exactly,” she responded.

“I’m not really finding that answer all that reassuring,” Tony said warily. 

“Then you’re gonna love this one.” Darcy took a deep breath. “We’re leaving now. Together. As in _together_ , together. The kind of together that involves a lot of acrobatic bed-related activities, which I’m really hoping will happen shortly. So...yeah. That’s about it.”

Natasha leaned forward, eyes widening. “You two are sleeping together?”

“It’s more of an 'in the very near future' kind of thing,” Darcy answered. “Like, as soon as I get him back to my place and out of those jeans. Anyway, now you know. I'd appreciate it if you weren't dicks about it.”

Loki had gotten to his feet while she was speaking, his eyes focused on her through the entire exchange. The look he was giving her sent a flurry of shivers over her skin. “Have I mentioned how very stimulating I find your penchant for saying the unexpected? It is positively arousing.”

“Did he really just say that?” Clint interjected.

Tony folded his arms over his chest, and gave Loki a look of grudging admiration. “He did. How such a colossal asshole can be so smooth is a complete mystery to me.”

Natasha shared at look with Steve across the table. “I’m not touching that one, you want it?” she asked him.

He grinned and shook his head. “Too easy.” 

“You know, I’m not going to invite the two of you along for lunch anymore if this is how you act,” Stark said sulkily.

“Just so we are clear, insulting you is a way to be uninvited to these incommodious meetings?” Loki inquired. “If so, there are a few things I would like to say.”

“Ooookay, well this has been super-fun, but we’re gonna go now,” Darcy said, distractedly yanking her purse off the back of her chair while simultaneously praying they could get out of there before an actual war broke out. “Bye.”

She took Loki’s hand and started towards the door, but he refused to budge. Just as she was about to ask what was up, he enfolded her in his arms. The room around them promptly tilted on its axis. Darcy had one final glimpse of the stunned faces around the table, and then loud whooshing filled her ears as they all disappeared.

Mere seconds later the whooshing stopped. She blinked her eyes open to find herself standing on what looked like a fancy wooden deck full of plush outdoor furniture. Tropical plants in large pottery planters framed in the space, and there was even a stretch of lush, green lawn complete with pool at the far end. 

What really caught her eye, though, was the cabana behind the pool. It was gorgeous. All wood framework with airy white curtains fastened to the beams, and low couches inside big enough to double as beds.

“Holy fuck,” she exclaimed softly. “How… How did we just get here? Where _is_ here anyway?”

“I apologize for the method of travel. It wasn't my intention to frighten you,” Loki breathed in her ear, and she jumped at the nearness of his voice. 

"Wow." Darcy turned to him, eyes huge. “Sorry. I’m okay, just a little, um...surprised. So, you can do more than simple tricks, huh?”

He nodded. “I must admit it was reckless of me to let that particular cat out of the bag. I expect Nicholas will be less than pleased. However, as you seem unafraid of revealing things...”

Loki let the sentence hang in the air unfinished. There was that enigmatic look in his eyes again. She studied it carefully for a moment before recognizing it for what it was, a very guarded version of hope.

“You decided to lay all your cards on the table?” she asked.

“In a manner of speaking. It could be dangerous for you if I did not. It may still be dangerous for you, Darcy. I suspect you will face unwanted repercussions from making this public.”

She shrugged. “Tough. I’m not going to treat you like a dirty little secret. I mean, yeah, I didn’t really want Tony and Fury in my business, but only because that’s a pain in the ass to deal with. I’d feel the same way if I was hooking up with anyone from work, not just you.”

“But I am not just anyone,” Loki said. 

“That’s true,” Darcy agreed. “You aren’t, and they’re just going to have to deal with it. I don’t live my life by their rules, I live it by mine. Did you actually think I wouldn’t want people to know because it’s you?”

“I expected it, yes,” he replied staring at her as if he couldn’t believe she existed.

“Yeah. No. Not at all.”

Loki still appeared doubtful. It almost broke her heart.

“Then why insist I wear Midgardian clothing today?” he asked. “You were the one who pointed out it would be better if I was not recognized.”

“Because I didn’t want your first time really seeing New York to involve random civilians running and screaming. I thought going incognito would be easier for _you_. It was as simple as that. I don’t care what you wear. Really. I’m not gonna lie and say you don’t look good in those jeans, but you look good in the leather too.”

“And the cameras?” he insisted. “You cannot say you were not concerned about those.”

“I didn’t want a bunch of S.H.I.E.L.D. operatives tailing us for no reason. Again, because I thought it would be uncomfortable for you. Seriously. I give exactly zero fucks about what they think. You’ve been a model citizen since you got here, and you deserve a day off from the surveillance once in a while. And yeah, I also didn’t want to have a little sit down with Fury on Monday to discuss my personal life,” Darcy admitted. “Who would? Like I said, it’s none of his business who I spend my time with.”

“I would say at this point a chat with Nicholas will be unavoidable for either of us,” Loki said ruefully. “I can only imagine his tedious meanderings on the subject.”

“Well then we should make it worthwhile, don’t you think? If I’m gonna get scolded for hooking up with you, I’m damn well gonna deserve it.” She glanced around at their surroundings again. “Where did you say we were?”

He stepped closer to her. “I didn’t.”

“Does that mean I’m not going to get to know?”

“Perhaps,” Loki answered, moving closer still. “Tell me again that my past doesn’t matter to you.”

“Of course it matters. It would be a lie to say otherwise. Everything about you matters, Loki. To me, anyway,” she said quietly.

“It has…” He stopped speaking for a moment, and Darcy looked up to see his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed. “It has been a long time since anyone said that to me.”

Darcy reached up and cupped his face in her hands. “You matter. What you’ve been through matters. What you decide to do from here on out matters too. Keep that in mind for future reference, okay?”

“Turks and Caicos,” Loki announced, straightening up.

There was a beat where Darcy's brain stuttered over his words, and then everything suddenly made sense. “Shut up. Really?” Her hands dropped back to her sides, and she turned around in a rapid circle, trying to take in all the scenery at once. 

“I assure you, that is where we are. Anthony has a residence there. We are on the rooftop terrace.”

“We’re at Tony’s beach house?”

“Yes.”

“In the _Caribbean_?”

Loki shrugged. “I believe so, yes. I am still familiarizing myself with the current Midgardian geography.”

“I’m sorry. I just want to clarify once more,” Darcy said, holding up her hand. “You magicked us to Stark’s house which just happens to be on a tropical archipelago? For sex?”

“Would you prefer another location?” he asked.

“No. This is fine. Wait. Are there cameras?”

“Yes, but once we arrived I disarmed them. Do you that will be enough to rescind our shawarma invitations?”

Darcy laughed. “Yeah. I’m pretty sure it will.” Then she looked around her, shaking her head in disbelief. “I can’t believe you’re able to teleport us here, and cloak us from being picked up by video surveillance without batting an eye. Has anyone ever told you that you’re kind of incredible?”

He smiled. “Not recently, no.”

“Well you are. Just in case I forget to say this later, you can surprise me with tropical resort getaways whenever the urge strikes you. I’ll be cool with that,” she informed him. “Also, I don’t know if you noticed, but there’s a cabana over there with massive couch things and privacy curtains.”

“It had not escaped my attention,” he said dryly.

“Right. So, here’s what I’m thinking. It’s dark over there. Anything could be hiding inside. I mean, what if those floaty drapes are concealing a criminal mastermind? As employees of S.H.I.E.L.D. we’d be remiss if we didn’t check it out,” Darcy declared.

“How very professional of you,” Loki replied as they made their way over to the cabana. “Nicholas ought to consider making you a Field Agent.”

“I know, right? I’m gonna suggest that if we both don’t get fired on Monday. And while we’re on the subject of possible threats, I was hoping you could help me with the zipper on my dress. I feel like maybe it’s been infiltrated by Hydra or something.”

His lips started to curve up into a smile. “Do you?”

They were in the cabana at this point. Loki loosed the sheer curtains from the poles and they swirled closed, billowing a little in the soft breeze.

“Yeah. I’m sure of it. There’s definitely something suspicious going on. I can tell.” She lifted her hair up to give him better access to her back. 

“I see.” He moved behind her, finger tracing a slow path down Darcy’s spine until it reached the zipper. “Ah yes. I believe you are right. Sadly, I suspect I will have to remove the dress for your own protection.”

“Oh well. It’s probably for the best,” Darcy said with a shrug. “Do what you have to do.”

A shimmery green blur surrounded her for a moment, and when it disappeared, Darcy’s dress went with it. Seconds later her undergarments, purse, and glasses met a similar fate. 

“Well. That was interesting,” she said as he turned her around again with a gentle touch on her shoulder.

The moment she was facing him, Darcy felt her throat go dry. Apparently Loki had decided to send his own clothes off to wherever hers were now. It might have been the best unexpected moment of her life, and that was really saying something considering everything that had transpired in the past eight hours. 

“Okay, nevermind that whole thing I said about you not being a god before. I take it back. Jesus Christ, if there was a United Church of Loki I’d totally be a member.” Then Darcy slid her arms around his neck and stood on tiptoes to whisper in his ear, “So, how do you prefer I worship?“

Her words were met with a growl as Loki cupped her thighs, and lifted her off the ground. It was only a few short steps to the nearest of the oversized couches, but he must have decided that was too far, because one second he was holding her and the next she was underneath him on the plush surface.

“That’s a seriously handy talent,” she pointed out with a grin. “But the next time you call me impatient I’m going to remind you that you teleported three feet just to get it on with me faster.”

Loki bent his head over hers until his face filled her entire scope of vision. “I can see there will be no silence from you unless I take matters into my own hands.”

“I wish you’d take something into your hands. Preferably my…” The rest of Darcy's sentence was abruptly cut off as his lips descended onto hers. Meanwhile the hand that wasn’t holding her face firmly to his had begun to wander. She gasped when it finally found her one of her breasts.

“Now, where was it you wanted my hands?” he drew back to ask, eyes bright and teasing.

“There’s good. It’s very, very...good.” Her hips canted up sharply as he rolled her nipple between his thumb and forefinger.

Loki grinned. “Well then, mortal, I believe you will find this exceptional.”

She was just about to reply when he replaced his fingers with his mouth. Darcy arched her neck against the throw pillow behind her head, reveling in the combination of his tongue and teeth on her sensitive flesh. He moved from one breast to the other, lavishing attention on them until she was writhing beneath him.

Loki worked his way back up to her neck. “Have you any idea how alluring you are at this moment?” he asked, nipping her just over her pulse-point.

“Possibly, but don’t let that stop you from telling me while you bite my neck,” she replied, and his chuckle reverberated against her skin. 

He said something in reply, but Darcy wasn’t entirely sure what it was. Mental coherency was rapidly unraveling due to the sparks of arousal that were lighting up her skin everywhere. She felt like her whole body was igniting under his touch, and all her thoughts seemed to be focused on one word: _now_.

Her vision was going hazy with want, but she couldn’t help but notice when a brilliant silvery green light shone around him for a moment and then faded away. Brow furrowed, she poked him in the side with her finger. “Are you doing sex magic?”

Loki smiled at her puzzled expression. “It was a spell to prevent me from impregnating you. I assumed you would prefer not taking a chance on offspring from this encounter.”

“Well then we’re like mega-protected, because I’m on the pill,” Darcy said. “For real, though, is magical male birth control a thing on Asgard, because I am all for it. Can we make it a thing here too?”

“I believe I just did,” he said slyly.

A breathless laugh escaped her lips. “So, now that we’ve ruled out procreating…”

“Mmm, are you telling me to get on with it?” Loki asked. He took himself in hand, rubbing the the tip teasingly over her clit.

“God. Yes. _Please_.” She lifted her hips up in an effort to get things moving down there. 

Loki growled again, and she felt it all the way down to her toes. Then he rocked against her, once, twice, and he was right there, pushing inside. It was almost too much, the stretch and pull of him filling her was just so damn good. He drew back and thrust forward again, deeper this time, and she wrapped her legs around his hips.

“You can...you can be rougher,” Darcy gasped, closing her eyes against the heady onslaught of his gaze.

“Look at me, Darcy.” His lips brushed her ear, setting off a cascade of tingles over her skin. 

For a second she hesitated, and then did as he asked. His pupils were so blown there was only a thin circle of emerald lining the outer edges of his irises. Darcy’s whole body tightened in response, tongue flicking out to wet her lips. 

Loki immediately fixated on them, bending down so his mouth could ghost over hers. It was delicious, but so very far from enough when all she could think of was more, more, more. Darcy wound her fingers in his hair, pulling his face closer, and nipping at his bottom lip. A deep groan rumbled through his chest, and his hips snapped against hers, in a forceful, driving thrust. 

“Yessss,” she hissed. “Just like that. _Fuck_ , Loki.”

“Such a filthy little mouth,” he said, punctuating his words with several more thrusts.

“Keep that up, and you’ll find out just how filthy,” Darcy answered, tugging his lips back down to hers. 

That was a swift end to their conversation, and for a few minutes there was nothing but the sound of them moving together, and the rhythmic crashing of the distant surf on the shore. The hand Loki wasn’t using to support himself was constantly roving over Darcy’s body, palming her breasts, hitching her legs higher around his waist, reaching back to cup her head so he could kiss her. That, coupled with the mind-blowing tension that was building with every stroke of his hard length inside her, was enough to bring her right to the razor’s edge of release much faster than she’d anticipated.

Her body felt like a livewire. Every muscle she had was sparking to life with an exquisite, bright electricity. She lifted her hips to meet Loki’s, seeking out his mouth again. It only took one rough slide of his tongue against hers and Darcy was flying. Colors fizzed and popped behind her closed eyelids, and the whole world spun down to the brilliant points of contact where his body touched hers. 

Loki fucked her straight through it, holding her hips steady in a fierce, tight grip as he sought his own release. She heard him suck in a harsh breath that ended in a moan, and he dropped his forehead down on hers as he came with a series of short, erratic strokes. It took several long moments before either of them were able to speak. And then…

“I think you broke me,” Darcy said. “Really. I can’t believe I’m able to talk. I sure as hell won’t be able to walk.”

He laughed, and rolled his hips in a lazy thrust that made her gasp. “How fortunate for you that we have nowhere to be.”

“Until Monday,” she added. 

“Yes. Until then,” Loki agreed. He shifted, gently withdrawing from her, and rolling to the side so his body was framing her in against the the back of the couch. 

“Sooo, what do you want to do until Monday?” Darcy asked.

“Further impede your ability to walk?” he offered, and she dissolved into giggles.

“I am really, really okay with that. You know, in case you were wondering.” She grinned up at him.

“I shall endeavor not to disappoint you then,” Loki replied. “Although I suspect if we remain here much longer Anthony will arrive to complicate matters.”

She nodded. “Gotcha. I guess I only have one question then.”

“Oh yes? And what is that?” he inquired.

“Oh it’s simple.” Her grin widened, and a teasing light danced her in eyes. “My bed...or yours?”


End file.
